I don’t feel hungry most days
I guess that’s why I lost so much weight, but maybe that’s because I lost a huge piece of my heart, maybe it’s both
I don’t know, but the last few months have been hard, life is hard.
I’m finally sleeping again.
My thoughts had been keeping me up a lot, thinking about people and
Life feels so insignificant without people in it. I thought I was an introvert but now I hate being alone
I crave to be with people, I am scared of the silence that forces me to drown in my thoughts.
That’s why I always have my nose in a book and that’s why I subscribed to Spotify, music has been keeping me alive
Words that were sung hundreds of years ago have been my crutch in times when all I wanted to do is lay in my bed and never wake up again.
My prayers have consisted more of tears than of actual words.
Jesus, is sometimes all I can manage.
I have cried on the tiles of the bathroom floor, begging Him to take me home.
But I know His mercies are new every morning. And that’s life isn’t it?
You learn lots of things, like buy waterproof mascara, so even when you cry before work or church, you can fix yourself up.
Or that when Paul instructed us to take every thought captive he meant every thought and every lie we whisper to ourselves:
You aren’t worthy
You aren’t loved
You aren’t enough
You are too much
You are lost forever.
These are lies lies lies coming from the father of lies.
The Good Father has been keeping me safe
He’s been painting the most beautiful skies
just for me (I’d like to think I’m special)
Life is hard, but God is good.