Confessions

I don’t feel hungry most days

I guess that’s why I lost so much weight, but maybe that’s because I lost a huge piece of my heart, maybe it’s both

I don’t know, but the last few months have been hard, life is hard.

I’m finally sleeping again.

My thoughts had been keeping me up a lot, thinking about people and

Life feels so insignificant without people in it. I thought I was an introvert but now I hate being alone

I crave to be with people, I am scared of the silence that forces me to drown in my thoughts.

That’s why I always have my nose in a book and that’s why I subscribed to Spotify, music has been keeping me alive

Words that were sung hundreds of years ago have been my crutch in times when all I wanted to do is lay in my bed and never wake up again.

My prayers have consisted more of tears than of actual words.

Jesus, is sometimes all I can manage.

I have cried on the tiles of the bathroom floor, begging Him to take me home.

But I know His mercies are new every morning. And that’s life isn’t it?

You learn lots of things, like buy waterproof mascara, so even when you cry before work or church, you can fix yourself up.

Or that when Paul instructed us to take every thought captive he meant every thought and every lie we whisper to ourselves:

You aren’t worthy

You aren’t loved

You aren’t enough

You are too much

You are lost forever.

These are lies lies lies coming from the father of lies.

The Good Father has been keeping me safe

He’s been painting the most beautiful skies

just for me (I’d like to think I’m special)

Life is hard, but God is good.

2 thoughts on “Confessions

  1. Remember sister, God’s power is made perfect in weakness. Continue to flee to Christ when all others flee to their own selfish desires and He will build you up.

  2. Hi Dora,

    I don’t know you that well but I always loved your posts and remember you talking about theology and scripture in them…is like to share a few quotes with you and a few scriptures that have helped me get through tough times in my life…

    “I have leaned to kiss the waves that have thrown me against the Rock of Ages” C.H.S.

    “God is too good to be unkind and He is too wise to be mistaken. And when we cannot trace His hand, we must trust His heart.” C.H.S.

    “I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.” Martin Luther

    “The man who has God for his treasure has all things in One. Many ordinary treasures may be denied him, or if he is allowed to have them, the enjoyment of them will be so tempered that they will never be necessary to his happiness. Or if he must see them go, one after one, he will scarcely feel a sense of loss, for having the Source of all things he has in One all satisfaction, all pleasure, all delight. Whatever he may lose he has actually lost nothing, for he now has it all in One, and he has it purely, legitimately and forever.” (The Pursuit of God by A.w. Tozer)

    These quotes are not scripture but I believe they are true and point us to Scripture. The truth is that God is causing all things to work for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. I love that it says AND WE KNOW that God is causing all things to work together for good…God has predestined us to be confirmed to the image of His son, He is working and I pray that you trust that. Trust that His goodness and mercy will follow you all of the days of your life and that His grace is sufficient for you! You are loved deeply by the Father! And this pain and heartache won’t last forever. He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Grace and peace Dora!

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